So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
