And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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