Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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