I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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