chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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