i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
