$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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