That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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