Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
