By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
