oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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