U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
