my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
did you just send me my own nude
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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