we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm really busy with my period
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