...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
