yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Nicole vs. Life
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
