Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
apparently the secret to your success is patron
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
