You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
