listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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