i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
