as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
