no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
