I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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