just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
