Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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