Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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