So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We're too hungover to prance.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
