Having a random hookup so left but love u
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
