Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
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