she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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