I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize