if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
