The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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