I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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