it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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