I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
