my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just invented taco cereal.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
