I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
