dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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