Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
