i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
