Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
