I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
