I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
