we're blogging at a bar
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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