Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
