so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
