there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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