We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My balls are so social today.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize