do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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