you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I lost the right to judge tonight
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
