Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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