Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
