so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
