I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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