the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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