She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
