so that wasnt chicken after all
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
