i wish my penis had a tongue
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
