I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
