Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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