I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
