So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
