Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
These tits shall not be calmed
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
