The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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