yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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