never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize