i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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