There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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