I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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