He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
