My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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